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Most people will experience working in an office at least once within their lifetimes and when they do, they’ll realise there’s an unwritten code that comes with office life. Mostly this relates to being down with Happy Hour Thursday and refilling the coffee pot when you’re finished with it, but outside of the usual office humdrum, comes other thoughts and anxieties that you didn’t even know existed. Aong with dreading Monday mornings, 3pm graveyard shifts and Friday morning hangovers, comes a set of intense fears that manifest themselves within your daily life. You may have thought you were alone in having these intense, and often irrational, fears but you are not. We hope that these fears won’t be a Trigger for you but if they are, just remember – we’re all having them too. These are the 18 secret fears that everyone who works in an office has.

 

1. Shared loos fear. That you will be in the toilet and accidentally hear your boss poo or worse, fart and have to pretend like everything is still the same and that nothing has changed. WHEN EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT NOW.

 

2. Bringing your lunch from home fear. That bringing your lunch from home will mark you out as the absolute tightass you are and that everyone will judge you for it. Before you give in and go for a takeout anyway, just like everybody else.

 

3. Outgoing email fear. That somehow your boss suddenly has access to every email you’ve ever sent, including the one where you compared their face to that of a cabbage patch doll, and that you are going to be fired for it, imminently.

 

4. Screen switching fear. That someone will walk past and see your full ASOS basket before you have time to switch the screen

 

5. Leaving on time fear. That leaving on time will show what a lazy, unmotivated non-team player you are, one who must always find an excuse about a birthday/dinner/new episode of TOWIE in order to justify leaving at the time you are supposed to each night.

 

6. Fear of oversharing. That you’ll forget where you are and overshare about the gross korma-belly you had at the weekend to all of your immediate colleagues and anyone else whose desk is within a 10 mile radius.

 

7. Fitting-in fear. That you’re really just not cool enough to work in a startup and secretly hate foosball, or any sport that can be played within an office environment but have to pretend to like it, because you know, your career depends on it and stuff.

 

8. Resignation fear. That your boss will know just from looking at you, that you’re currently looking for another job and that you WILL crack under pressure if asked.

 

9. Christmas party fear. That you’ll get drunk and hook up with someone at the Christmas party. The rest of your working life will then be spent in a sniggering, nudging primary school-type setup, each time said hook-up walks into the room

 

10. Redundancy fear. That anyone you see whispering in the office is clearly discussing redundancies and that you are undoubtedly next in line.

 

11. Mixing the boundaries of drunken-you and work-you fear. That going out for thirsty thursday will lead to you oversharing about that weird dream you once had about Dave from IT. To Dave from IT.

 

12. Passive-aggressive note fear. That the passive-aggressive note writer will know it was you who ate their sandwich/cereal/microwave meal and that you will one-day care so much about lunch that you will become someone who writes passive-aggressive notes about food.

 

13. Client-stalking fear. Mainly that they will all know you googled their LinkedIn profile ten times before your first big meeting and secondly, that if they are hot, or even mildly resembling a hot person, that their Facebook profile will also have been closely scrutinised.

 

14. Using all the ink fear. That you will be the person who presses print 56 times without realising and incidentally, wastes the entire year’s quota of ink. Yep, you’re that guy.

 

15. Arctic office conditions fear. That you will never be warm again/ are about to make irreversible sweat patches in your new cashmere because of the ridiculouslessness of the office temperature and the HR manager’s complete inability to keep it under control.

 

16. Getting ill fear. Mainly the fear that you won’t be able to hide the intense hatred you will feel towards anyone who comes into work ill. Second, only to the fear you will have when you come into the office ill yourself to show just what a team player you are.

 

17. The ‘have you got a sec’ fear. That any private communication with your boss will lead to your immediate unemployment. Probably because of 3 and 4.

 

18. That people will find out who you really are outside of work. Mainly because you’ll be guilted into accepting friend requests from half of your colleagues on Facebook and will spend the next four hours deleting any evidence of the bad bitch you are outside of working hours. THE MARIJUANA WAS JUST A PHASE OKAY

 

Image sourced c/o: Somecards Cover image sourced c/o BBC Comedy

Beth Gladstone

Beth is a Writer and Digital Marketer who founded The Full Agenda as a place to talk about the things that kept her and her friends up at night. Currently working as a Marketing consultant to various SMEs she is a big fan of the startup market and loves technology, apps and anything social media related. When not obsessively checking Google Analytics, she can be found reading, writing or relaxing with a glass of Prosecco.

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