We all have things or situations that we’re a little scared of. Mine seem to go through phases. At one point the dentist, then flying, then the dentist again,...
How often do you feel disappointed in the people and world around you, if you’re really honest?
Because someone didn’t react the way you wanted them to, didn’t listen hard enough to what you had to say, didn’t rush round with tea and biscuits because you said you felt sad. Cinderella kind of has a point about viewing the world as it could be but unfortunately, this can occasionally lead to disappointment. And disappointment is a construction of ourselves that says more about who we are, than someone else. It’s something we decide on, because we think that something isn’t good enough or isn’t how we would have wanted it. Often, it leads to us becoming resentful or even cutting people out of our lives, who we deem not to be on the same level to not have the same morals or to be good enough friends.
But what if you could reverse that?
I once had a friend who told me that her boyfriend (of a few years, the glued at the hip type) had never told her he loved her. I enquired to why she didn’t seem hurt or bothered by this, to which she replied that it was just his way. She knew he loved her but he just didn’t say it and that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t tell him that she loved him because that was just her way. They’re happily married now with their first baby in their first home and well, they seem pretty in love to me.
For the more insecure of us, this would be hard. But it seemed to work for her and it raises the question of how much more love, friendship and kindness we could receive if we just opened ourselves up to not expecting everyone to act how we do.
What if you could say, actually she didn’t act the way I wanted her to but that’s okay because that’s just her way. If you could accept that for some friends, buying you a tequila shot is going to be their way of saying ‘I’m here, it’s okay’. Not all friends are going to be the type of friends who you can put the world to rights with. Not all friends are going to turn up when you say ‘ I need you”. But this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t accept that and embrace what they do have to offer.
On the other side, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still live true to your version of kindness. Just because someone doesn’t text you back when you need them to doesn’t mean you should then ignore them when they need you. If your version of kindness is to always be there, to be a rock and remember the small things that matter, then live it. Be the version of kindness that you think the world needs. Only then can you hold off on the resentment, anger and upset that comes when you decide that someone isn’t quite good enough for your version of perfect.
And if you get called a pushover, if you can’t find the line between accepting someone’s differences and being used when someone needs you to then be dropped as soon as they feel better, well then that’s your decision to decide whether to push on or turn the page.
See the world as it could be, not how it is. And then go and live it, with about 99% less resentment.
Beth is a Writer and Digital Marketer who founded The Full Agenda as a place to talk about the things that kept her and her friends up at night. Currently working as a Marketing consultant to various SMEs she is a big fan of the startup market and loves technology, apps and anything social media related. When not obsessively checking Google Analytics, she can be found reading, writing or relaxing with a glass of Prosecco.
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